I find it quite funny and amazing that God would use a breakup to catch my attention and bring me to Himself. But then, God works in mysterious ways, we say.
The person I was dating broke up with me. I loved him so much at the time, trusted him in ways I had never trusted another human being. So, you can imagine how it felt to lose such a relationship, especially considering the circumstances that surrounded the breakup. My self-esteem was shredded to pieces. I had never felt such excruciating pain, such deep sense of loss and betrayal in all my life.
I hit rock bottom, fell into a deep hole of depression, cut ties with family and friends. Having nothing to distract me, this became my reality. I was lost in my world, tried severally to get out of this hole but wasn’t making any headway.
Then one night, a thought came to me – to take my life. At first, I laughed it off; I told myself I had not gotten to the point where I would take my life over a guy. Minutes passed and the thought returned only this time it was stronger, more authoritative and scary.
I tried fighting this off but I couldn’t, it was all I could hear, “take your life.” I realized at this point that I really must reach out to God. My exact words that night were, “Lord help me, I am drowning, please do not let me drown, please Lord help me.”
The prayer was that short yet He answered (Isaiah 58:9). He visited me that night and left me with a touch. That was the first time I slept in a long while.
You see, God didn’t just ward off the attack of darkness that night, He went ahead and brought me back to himself. I often ran to Him for fear of hell and condemnation but this time it was different. I came to Him in my loss and brokenness and need for help and He didn’t cast me off. Instead, He came through for me, restored me and fixed me.
I can point to that experience as the starting point of my healing journey and spiritual growth. My prayers ceased being casual, they became my lifeline, the study of the word also became important to me. I couldn’t have walked this journey alone. He used friends, especially my closest friend who had been very concerned about nonchalance about spiritual things and was always praying for me. He also found other means to ensure I stood.
This healing eventually brought me to some painful but positive point in my life, I had to make some painful decisions, laid down my plans and ambitions and take His on.
A lot has happened in a very short space but the transformation has been real, that I sometimes wonder at myself. My Dad in a rare one on one talk a month ago commented that I’ve become so joyful in the past one year. I was surprised because I personally feel this past year had been the most trying of my life.
It is July again, a year since that incidence that night. I can only look back with gratitude, live the moment in His present Grace and overwhelming love and look to the future, knowing he would be there for me.
And as a child of God, it’s no longer a question of heaven and hell, but living the Kingdom life here on earth. This is my new reality.
The Holy Spirit healed me of depression, sleepless nights and suicidal thoughts – Alice
Photo by Steven Arenas from Pexels
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