For once, I forgot I was ‘a man’ and cried. I cried so hard, so loud, so long. I didn’t seem to bother that people watched – that’s if they even cared to. It felt like He was healing a place in me that I never knew was so wounded.
This happened when I attended a retreat in May 2017. I had attended so many church retreats in my life but this was different. This wasn’t one of those retreats – it wasn’t even called a retreat, but a boot camp. It was a gathering of young, like-minded people, who somehow had gone through very similar journeys. I mean, I realized after attending this that it must have been written of in the annals of heaven.
Except for about three friends, one of whom invited me to this meeting, every one of the more than 50 people present was a stranger. It’s a little difficult to call them strangers because, though I was only meeting them for the first time, I felt deep down like I’d known them all my life… like a deeper part of us had met and interacted long before we met in the body.
Everyone I had the opportunity to speak with seemed to have a very similar story to mine. I heard people talk and wondered what I had stepped into. “But what is this? Why do we sound so alike, like we are speaking the same language? Why does it feel like I’ve known you for so long?” These were some of the questions I pondered on as we interacted.
I also found it interesting that no one cared what Christian denomination you were from or what your doctrinal inclinations were. The conservative, the not-so-conservative, we all just spent time listening, praying for each other, strategizing and enjoying each other’s fellowship up until the last day. This alone shook me to the core. I had never found such oneness in the body, especially not with my religious background.
This feeling seemed to heighten as the meeting progressed. As resource person after resource person came up, I found my deepest secrets being revealed, like Father was explaining my journey in the past seven years through them. I had several breakthrough moments. I was stepping into brighter places as the meeting progressed. On the third and final day, the worst happened.
We had come to the end of it all and were praying together to bring the entire boot camp to a close when it was suggested that we find a partner each to hold hands and pray with. I looked around and found that the closest free person to me was someone I didn’t want to hold hands with – how selfish and silly I was. He had been on my strategy team, and due to my misgivings, I somehow wanted to prevent that friction as we prayed. I wanted to escape him and I hoped to find someone else but couldn’t.
He gestured towards me. We held hands and prayed for each other, just as other partners prayed for themselves. At some point, he released my hands and hugged me instead. Beloved, God told him to hug me. Because immediately he did, it was like several cords snapped within me and I broke down in tears. My eyes still tear up a little whenever I share this story, like now.
For once, I forgot I was ‘a man’ and cried. I cried so hard, so loud, so long. I didn’t seem to bother that people watched – that’s if they even cared to. It felt like he was healing a place in me that I never knew was so wounded.
And while I cried, he just laughed. Almost like he knew what he had just done. I lost my usual calm composure in this experience. Though fully conscious of what was going on, I couldn’t help it. I felt that love and it tore me apart.
Suddenly, I didn’t care anymore about whatever misgivings I had held. I hugged him in return. He had just helped me in a way I never knew I needed to be helped. That incident, the whole boot camp didn’t leave me the same. I left a different person.
It’s been a year and I can still boldly say that Jesus healed me through that experience. I have found myself grow in a most surprising way. Many times, I have been made to wonder why I had been blind to Him and to myself for so long. But I am glad now that I went past that.
Often as believers, we want to serve God, we desire to live and work for Him without even realizing how much healing we need and how much God wants to heal us. It’s important that we heal. Extremely important. When we don’t, we struggle in our journey. Father isn’t that wicked, He can’t leave you to go on living in pain without a clear indication of why. It’s never Him. When you’re in Him, you do not lack that joy which isn’t based on circumstances but comes from knowing Him. You will be tried, touched, proved by circumstances, but His joy and comfort will remain. If none of this exists, then check. You’re probably weighed down by something other than Him.
Having had this experience, it really is my hope that one day, as we deliberately engage the power of God in us, every believer will come to a place where their smiles, their dance, their handshakes, their fragrance, their words and sounds, and every other essence which proceeds from them will bring healing to people, cities, nations, the world.
I wouldn’t call this my MOST intimate moment with Jesus, but I hope it helps you seek Him.
God’s Love Healed Places In Me I Never Knew Were Wounded – MichaEL
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