A few years ago, while in the university, I was involved with someone. We were in love. He was a church boy.
Our relationship went on smoothly until he said that God told him a relationship was a distraction for him at the time. So, he wanted a break. He promised to still be involved with me when this break was over. His saying that suppressed the pain I’d have felt from an outright break up. I accepted his decision and everything went on fine even as I subtly kept playing wife roles.
Around the same period, I was struggling with school work (not because I was unintelligent, but because I lacked focus and balance). I was quite caught up with ‘spiritual things’, attended lots of meetings, and just couldn’t strike the necessary balance with school work. This was my final year in school and from the look of things, I was sure to have an extra year. However, I somehow believed that because I was spending so much time on the things of God, He’d compensate me. My parents expressed their concerns regarding my way of life. They felt I was being extreme about how I sought God and it shouldn’t be that way. This made me feel like I had a point to prove to them – that one cannot serve God and fail.
The school year ended. I failed several of my courses and got an extra year. A visit to my “future husband’s” only made things worse. He broke up with me. He told me he was seeing someone else and they were going to get married. The fact that I wasn’t exactly surprised by this did not reduce the pain I felt. I remember getting the impression severally that he wasn’t my husband, but whenever that happened, I’d say something like “God, You are my Father. You know what I want. You can’t take this from me.” I guess He refused to listen to my lips but to my heart instead.
I am a very emotional person. So, when this happened, I thought I’d cry so hard about it but the tears never came, so, I lived on with it.
Not long after this, a friend asked about my relationship and I informed her that we were no more together.
She paused for a bit and when she spoke, she said, “I’m sad that you guys are no more together but I am glad that God didn’t trust him with what lies within you.”
All the pent-up pain I had struggled to express crashed in that moment because when she spoke, I heard the voice of God. I wept when I heard those words because they redefined how I began to see myself.
Not long after, her words proved to be true. My ex-fiancé began calling me for relationship advice. He complained a lot about his new fiancée and sought advice on how to treat her. I could be very manipulative with words and this was a perfect opportunity to repay him for what he did to him, but fortunately for him (and me), God’s love prevailed. The Holy Spirit always instructed me to be a friend to him and give him the best pieces of advice whenever he sought them.
It was a weird situation to be in because after we talked and I helped, we’d end the call and I’d break down in tears again. I helped him from a place of pain and brokenness but through them I found strength.
The extra year also turned out to be an awesome, wholesome year. God taught me things I never learnt in my first four years in school. I made needful connections I doubt I’d have made but for that year. In the end, He made so much beauty from my mess and till date, I still haven’t recovered.
Jesus Healed My Broken Heart And Brought Beauty From My Mess – Remi
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