When I came to terms with the fact that God was my only option, I went back to Him. I resolved within me that if He didn’t do anything, I’d consider ending it all by taking my life. So I went to a quiet place and just let the tears flow.
It happened early this year. I was having a very hard time in school. Nothing seemed to be working. I was reading and not understanding. I was very lonely and scared. I had fears of being put on probation and sent out of my department.
I had abandoned my secret place and I was going dry. I looked normal on the outside to people but I was slowly dying inside and I knew it was a matter of time before it began to extend to my outward appearance. And it actually did.
The weight of my challenges was very heavy on me. I couldn’t talk to anyone because everyone counted on me. They expected that I was the “smart girl” who could never have school problems, so I faced my giants alone.
I couldn’t bear the thoughts of telling my parents that I failed.
I regularly attended and served in church but this didn’t make my fears go away.
When I came to terms with the fact that God was my only option, I went back to Him. I resolved within me that if He didn’t do anything, I’d consider ending it all by taking my life.
So I went to a quiet place and just let the tears flow. I was broken. I was scared. Things looked bleak.
I stayed there and kept crying.
Then I felt His Presence.
His Presence holds so much peace and calm.
When He came, I could hear Him say, “My Grace is sufficient for you”.
I wasn’t sure it was Him so I ignored it. But God who is merciful in His dealings didn’t let His words of comfort go ignored.
Not long after He said this, someone sent the same thing to me; a text reading “His grace is there for you.”
I was overwhelmed by this. Almost immediately, my phone that had been playing worship songs while I just stayed with Him shuffled to a song called ” Grace abounds” by Hillsong United.
I was shocked! I had never heard that song, I didn’t even know I had it on my phone. Peace swept over me and I found hope.
Tears fell from my face again but this time, they were tears of joy, hope, and peace.
I left there feeling more reassured and strengthened to fight.
Spending time with Him is what has kept me up until now. His love is so perfect even in my unfaithfulness.
The semester following this trying period went well for me. All my tests were great. And I look forward to an overall great result, after which I’ll be able to do the victory dance.
God sent amazing people my way who helped me academically and in other areas.
They just walked into my life and things changed. We read together, revised, they explained to me, taught me and even helped me with stuff that was not school related; like being positive, staying away from depression, having joy and being confident.
I think it’s amazing that God cares for way more than how faithful we are in serving Him or living righteously. God is our Father and He cares for all that affects us. Don’t hide your struggles from Him. He is our well-proven help in time of need (Psalms 46:1).
There’s more to my story but I believe this will suffice…for now.
Jesus’ Reassurances Kept Me From Taking My Life – Sarah
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