I am Osasu, and this is my salvation story, a story of how Jesus saved me from resentment, hate, and sexual perversion.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, childhood was ruined for me. At 5, I had witnessed my dad beating up my mom. He was unfaithful to her and they always had clashes. At 6, I saw him naked, having sex with a strange woman in our bathtub. I was traumatized and became quite introverted after the incident. I started to hate men, and I hated my dad the most.
The “getaway” that had me trapped…
Once, while I was 8, I went visiting with my cousins. The older ones rented a movie that had lesbianism vividly portrayed in it and that’s how my cousin and I got introduced to the act. We would get in the act, and being troubled by guilt, would begin to cry, kneel and ask for forgiveness, but we always relapsed. We saw each other often, so it developed. At 10 however, we stopped seeing each other frequently and the environment wasn’t anymore conducive for this, so, I eventually stopped.
My relationship with my dad at that time was getting worse. I just hated him. At 13, although nothing happened between us, I got a boyfriend just to punish my dad. I just wanted to make him mad. My mom was and remains my rock. She lovingly guided me down the right path as best she could even though she couldn’t understand why I was so rebellious. At 15, I was so rebellious and nonchalant that my dad disowned me. For me, that was an opportunity to leave the house, and I gladly welcomed it. My mum was in shock but prayed the situation into control and my dad took back his words. I still didn’t care.
I knew deep down that I was in a mess and needed to be rescued. I was getting into masturbation and was very much addicted to pornography, all of which left me dirty. Several times, I contemplated suicide and murder, but mostly murder. I wanted him – my father – dead.
My First Awakening
I was first awakened when receiving my first holy communion in Church. Confession before a priest is a prerequisite, so, after summoning all the courage I had to tell the truth so that I could receive forgiveness, I confessed and all the priest said was, “young lady you don’t know what you are saying. I’m sure you saw all this in a movie and are lying about it, but, if you’re telling the truth, then see me after the mass”. I was dumbstruck. Was my sin so big that it was considered unbelievable? Does God really forgive sins? Does this man truly represent God? Those were the questions in my heart then as a received the communion ‘unworthily’. I wasn’t convinced. Somewhere between the ages of 15 and 16 and already in my third relationship with a guy much older, I felt like dying.
Just as I was…
Then one day, I lay on my bed and cried my eyes and heart out. I was asking, pleading, for help, for forgiveness and for rescuing. Although I was about to give up on life, I somehow still knew that God could save me even if the Priest thought I was unforgivable. So, I went before Him, just as I was, by myself. And then I found Him, Jesus. Perhaps, He found me. I knew peace in that moment. I had more tears in my eyes but this time they were tears of joy. It was hard to believe how free and light I felt. I had no idea how dead I was until I experienced life at that moment.
I got into the University months after this and immediately went searching for a fellowship where I could know Jesus more. I found one and one step at a time I turned aside to Christ, to the life He offers. I also forgave my dad even though our relationship still is not entirely hitch-free. He hasn’t changed much but I no longer harbor thoughts of killing him. I have learned to give him grace and let it go, praying that he comes to know God before he leaves this world.
Related Story: Sexually Abused At Five, I Bore The Trauma And Guilt Alone, Then I Found Redemption – Oluwaseye
It was in school that I started to taste of His grace and knew I was born for this. Lots of people before me heard a little about the deeper truths of His kingdom and didn’t follow. I heard once and I was sold out. God blessed me with quick understanding and good friends who were pursuing the same things as I, like my dearest friend, Kenneth who I am most grateful to God for.
So, this is my story, a story of how Jesus found, cleansed and made me brand new. A story of how He saved me from resentment, hate, and sexual perversion.I went before Him, just as I was, by myself. And then I found Him, Jesus. Perhaps, He found me. I knew peace in that moment. I had more tears in my eyes but this time they were tears of joy.
If you’re reading this and you feel like you’d rather be dead, I hope that you find the strength, or perhaps get tired enough, to surrender to the One who is Life (John 14:6) – the One who forgives all our sins and heals all our diseases and hurts (Psalms 103:3).
Jesus Saved Me from Resentment and Sexual Perversion – Osasu
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